Camelot will Be Mine!: The Diary of Mordred
by The White mask
Summary: Ladybugloving knights, Wizards with the HMO and one evil Prince trying to grow a moustasche. The adventures of Mordred of Camelot, is his own words. Cowritten with HansWeinerschtiznel. Please R
1. January, Part 1: Torturing Dinidan

DIARY OF MORDRED:

Co-written with HansWienerschitzel4000

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**This came about when my friend and Compatriot, who will be known for the purposes of this fic as "HansWienerschitzel" played the role of Mordred in _Camelot _in Summer Stock. He is responsible for both the original idea and about half of the entries. I am reasonable for the other half. You know, the funny half. (Put the cane down, Hans, I'm joking.)**

**Before we begin our trip down insanity lane, several people must be thanked. This fic would not exist without the authors of _Camelot, _Alan Jay Lerner and Frederick Lowe, T.H. White, author of _The Once and Future King, _which _Camelot_ is based on, and Roddy McDowall, who originated the role of Mordred on Broadway. Wherever you are boys, we extend our thanks and our sincerest apologies. **

**As well, a huge thank you must go to the author L'Ange d'Erik, who's fanfiction _The Diary of an Erik _(which can be found in the Phantom of the Opera Section on this fic)was pretty much the reason this fic exists: We read it, loved it, stole the format shamelessly and without permission, and took it for our own purposes, so the least we could do would be to plug her hilariously written diary (which spawned an online business). And of course, where would we be without Mordred himself, the evilest, the coolest, and the handsomest villain in medieval literature. Thank you. **

**Okay, Mordred, I read your stupid intro. Now can you put the sword away and let me get on with this?**

**DISCLAIMER: We own nothing except a deep sense of shame in every sense of the word. **

_**DIARY OF MORDRED**_

**JANUARY: PART I**

**January 1st, 1392 **

Dear Diary-

Have decided to start keeping diary after realizing I have no one to pour my soul out as psychiatrists will not been invented for another 600 years.

Allow me to introduce myself: I am Prince Mordred, illegitimate son of Arthur Pendragon, King of Britain. Actually, I _would_ be Prince Modred if I wasn't illegitimate.

Damn my non-princely status.

Arthur conceived me with my mother, Queen Moraguse, sister of Morgon le Fay, because she got him drunk one night. My Mum kicks ass.

Anyway, am writing because Arthur (who I am forced to refer to as "my Liege" in public, stupid git) refused me permission to go the mall to carouse with my evil cronies.

Damn him.

We'll see how he likes it when I stage a hostile takeover of his kingdom. Camelot will be mine!

Weather still continues charmingly.

Mordred

**January 2nd, 1392**

Dear Diary—

I hate Lancelot.

I hate his foppish ways.

He hogged all the cranberries at breakfast today.

When I asked him to pass me the cranberries, he had eaten all of them.

Damn him.

This is Arthur's second in command, for god's sake, and he's a cranberry loving fop.

I should be Arthur's second in command: after all, I am a cranberry loving evil mastermind…person… thingy…

Am considering growing a mustache—maybe Guenevere will like me more.

Mordred

**January 3rd, 1392**

Dear Diary—

I'm very bored today.

I think I am going to make vegetable medley.

We Scots know how to make good vegetable medley.

Sir Agravaine told me I should make boar instead.

Told Agravaine to make it himself.

He did.

It was terrible.

Damn him.

Mordred

**January 4th, 1392**

Dear Diary—

Sir Dinadan told me he liked my dress today.

Told him, for the 58th time, that it was not a dress, it was a _robe_

He said "Same difference."

Modern fashion lost on knights.

I think I'll put raisins in his porridge tomorrow. Dinadan is allergic to Raisins.

Hahaha.

Mordred

**January 5th, 1392**

Dear Diary—

Turns out it was Sir Lionel who is allergic to raisins. Dinadan actually likes them, and thanked me for putting them in.

Damn.

Okay, new evil plan. Spiders in his bedsheets. That'll make him jump.

Hahahaha.

Mordred

**January 6th, 1392 **

Dear Diary—

Decided that spiders were too clichéd.

So instead I put in lots of ladybugs. Go me.

Unfortunately, Dinadan was playing with them all day; seems he rather likes the spotted red beasts of the jungle.

Why doesn't anything bother this man?

Mordred

**January 8th, 1392**

Dear Diary—

The mustache is coming in very nicely.

Arthur commented on it today at the meeting.

I asked why he hasn't grown one.

He says it's not in the laws of kingliness.

Damn him and all his lawful laws of lawfuldom.

That last one wasn't even a real word, but Mordred does not care about real words! CAMELOT WILL BE MINE!

Mordred

**January 13th, 1392 **

Dear Diary-

Dinadan continues to thwart evil plans.

He is now touring England with his Ladybug Circus Show of Spectaculardom, stops in Camelot, Kent, West Sussex, Bath and Manchester.

Am required to attend show next week by Arthur. Figures. He thinks that if he has to suffer, we _all _have to suffer.

Stupid Dad.

Mordred

**January 15th, 1392**

Dear Diary,

FINALLY got to make my vegetable medley

Would have been better, but Lancelot hogged all the corn, so was unable to put any in. Stupid Corn-hogging git.

King Pellinore very disappointed with my cornless medley.

Told me that corn was god's greatest gift to mankind, and wasting it was a sin.

He will be the first to die.

Mordred

**January 17th, 1392 **

Dear Diary—

The mustache is growing in very nicely.

Perhaps Guenevere will notice.

Arthur noticed it and said, "Mordred, where did that mustache come from?"

I told him I bought it on E-bay. The King was not amused.

Lancelot said it was almost as macho as his sword.

I think I'll put makeup on him in his sleep.

Mordred

**------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Please**


	2. January, Part 2: The Moustache Woes

**JANUARY: PART 2**

**January 19th, 1392**

Dear Diary—

I put eye shadow and lipstick and blush on Lancelot last night.

He woke up to everybody laughing at him.

Lancelot then said it was a new custom and everyone had to do it.

They did.

Damn his sway over all.

Mordred

**January 21st, 1392**

Dear Diary-

Make-up craze has overrun Camelot.

Think I saw Arthur wearing lipstick, but am not sure. It's so hard to tell with his complexion.

Think it finally stopped when Guenevere told Lancelot he looked like a bigger pansy than me.

Was not sure whether to laugh uproariously or be insulted.

Decided on the former.

Hahahahaha.

It has come to my attention that evil laugh needs work. Will set aside afternoon tomorrow to work on it in secluded tower.

Mordred

**January 22st, 1392**

Dear Diary—

Came down with sore throat from laugh practice.

Curse the rotten acoustics in secluded tower.

Had to wait five hours to get a cough drop from Merlyn.

Ever since he came back from endless sleep in cave, he has been obsessed with following the rules of the HMO.

Curse the HMO.

Mordred

**January 23rd, 1392**

Dear Diary—

I had to see Dinadan's bug show last night.

I expected the worst, but GOOD GOD!!! This was worse than CATS!

I never thought I would live to write that last sentence.

Dinadan stood on stage like a ringmaster and whipped the bugs. They did nothing expect fly around him like little pixies.

Perhaps I will stab him with little daggers tomorrow.

That as well is too cliché.

Damn me.

Mordred

**January 24th, 1392**

Dear Diary—

Finally got that cough drop from Merlyn.

Man is only half the magician he was since he was released from the cave of doom.

Mum and Auntie Morgan were always cooler than him anyway. Go Mum and Auntie Morgan.

What did Merlyn ever do to become so famous, anyway?

He's kind of a loser.

And he needs to shave. He's got this kind of Howard Hughes thing going with the long fingernails and the beard.

Creepy.

Mustache still growing. Also, still sexy.

Mordred

**January 25th, 1392**

Dear Diary-

Dinadan sentenced to twenty lashes for bug show.

I laughed hysterically.

Until he started complaining that they tickled and asked them to keep going.

Who is this guy, Mary freaking Poppins?!

**January 26th, 1392**

Dear Diary-

Mustache looking really good these days. Perhaps will show it to Guenevere tomorrow.

She'll probably be all "Mordred! That Mustache makes you look really manly and much cooler than Lancelot!"

Hey, it worked for Tom Selleck…

Mordred

**January 27th, 1392**

Showed off Mustache to Guenevere this morning.

Did not have desired effect.

She said it was unattractive and made me look like Snidely Whiplash.

Told her mustache wax to curl ends was not my idea. It was Dinadan, dammit, Dinidan! DAMN YOU SIR DINADAN!!!!!!! YOUR REVENGE WILL NOT GO UNSMITED!!!

Will shave tomorrow.

**January 28th, 1392**

Dear Diary—

Shave Successful, with only a few cuts on the hard-to-reach area behind the ear.

But that's to be expected when shaving with a pointed rock.

Am Considering trying Merlyn's new "Razor" thingy.

Nah. Probably just a fad.

Mordred

**January 29th, 1392**

Dear Diary—

Excitement out riding today. Arthur fought a duel with this huge knight in Black, who refused to give up even after both his arms and legs had been cut off.

We left him screaming after us, reduced to a limbless stump.

What a nutcase.

Will have to recruit him to help me take over Camelot, I could use someone like that in my operation.

Have been working on evil laugh in less-drafty tower. Much improved.

Mwwuhahahahaha!

See?

Mordred.

**January 30th, 1392**

Dear Diary—

Good news. The formerly-huge knight, who now has no arms and legs, has agreed to join my plot to take over Camelot.

Only downside is having to carry his limbless body around in a wheelbarrow.

Have nicknamed him "Stumpy Mahoney."

He hates that.

**January 31st, 1392**

Dear Diary-

Nothing to write today, so:

CAMELOT WILL BE MINE!!!!

That is all.

Mordred

**And Now, A Note from Mordred: **

**Mordred: Okay, listen up, you idiots. I worked my ass off on this thing, trying to make it as good as I possibly can, and what do I get for all my work? One freaking review. One! Not even two. Come on, I know that there are more Camelot fans on this site than just one teenage girl with way too much time on her hands. I want feedback, you dunderheads! FEED-BACK! Make with the clicking on the little blue button! **

**Mask: Mordred, I'm not sure if it's a good idea to antagonize the fans. They can be a pretty violent bunch. You already got them mad by insulting_ Cats_ in this chapter, so I wouldn't test my luck. **

**Mordred: Oh, shut up, Mask. That's a really stupid name, by the way, no wonder you don't have a girlfriend. **

**Hans: I have a girlfriend. **

**Mordred: Shut up! I wasn't talking to you. You guys are pathetic. Honestly, what kind of grown man writes fanfiction in his spare time? Are you the ONLY guys here? Are You? Ha! You're silence says it all! Mwhahahahahaha! I reveal in your humiliation! **

**Now, to insure your cooperation in writing reviews, my fangirls, I will be holding this cute little kitty hostage over a vat of boiling water until my demands are met. **

**Hans: Say, that is a cute cat. What's his name? **

**Mordred: Wee Thomas. **

**Mask: Wait, did you say Wee Thomas? As in Wee Thomas, the cat from the hit Broadway play _The Lieutenant of Inishmore? _**

**Mordred: Why, yes. **

**Hans: The same Wee Thomas from _The Lieutenant of Inishmore _who is owned by Pedriac, a psychotic Irish Mercenary who goes on a brutal, murderous rampage when he finds out his cat has been harmed? **

**Mordred: Errr….yes? **

**(A Beat) **

**Mask: Okay, we're going to back slowly away and let you deal with the blood-stained Irishman who is creeping up behind you. **

**Hans: Sounds good. **

**Mordred: What blood-stained Irish…Oh. Hi, Pedriac! **

**Pedriac: You….harmed….Wee…Thomas, ye Censored bastard! **

**Mordred: Oh, dear. **

**Mask Let's leave Mordred to be shot in the knees and beaten with in an inch of his life, and let's also ask, kindly, if our readers will please review. Please? **

**Hans: Pretty please? **


	3. February,Part 1:All Singing, All Dancing

**Disclaimer: We own nothing, unless Lerner, Lowe, The Les Mis guys and the Python gang want to challange us to a high-stakes poker game. **

**February 1st**

Dear Diary—

Lancelot and I played Foosball last night.

I kicked his ass.

Then I told him he played Foosball like a Frenchman.

He Replied that he is a Frenchman.

Told him that explains it.

The Black eye was totally worth it.

Mordred

**February 2nd**

Dear Diary—

Sir Aggravaine said that I should listen to this thing _Les Miserables_.

Told him that musicals were for sissies. But he insisted, so with nothing better to do, I put it on.

It's quite good actually.

I rather like this character "Javert." He's quite evil. And Eponine sounds hot.

Marius is a bit of a pussy though. Rather like Arthur.

Then there's Fantine. All she does is die. That sucks to get killed off early. Makes me sniff a little. Must suck almost as much as not coming on until act two.

Why are you looking at me like that?

Mordred

**February 3rd**

Dear Diary—

I went to Sir Aggravaine and we talked about _Les Mis_. He loves it, I love it, _finally _something we agree on. And then I had my super-duper brilliant idea.

No, it doesn't involve taking over Camelot. But it is pretty close (Camelot will be mine soon anyway):

I'm going to direct the all-Camelot production of _Les Mis_.

How sweet this is going to be.

I can cast all the cool people (of which there are all too few) and then use the knights in the chorus!

Go my unnaturally cool brain

Mordred

**February 4th**

Dear Diary—

Auditions today. Sir Dinadan has an impressive baritone voice. But he's too lame to be Javert. Only I am evil enough to be Javert! Will cast him as the uber-lame Bishop at the beginning of the show and then stick him in the chorus.

I kick so much ass.

Aggravaine said it would be too hard to direct myself. I told him that Orson Welles did it. Reminded me that Orson Welles is supergenius. Damn him.

Arthur really wants to be Marius, because he is lame like that. I think he will get the part.

Guenevere wants to be in it, but she didn't like my mustache, and is therefore lame, so I'll use her as Fantine and kill her off early.

Merlyn is extreamly lame, so he can be

Sir Sagramore is borderline lame, but he's the only one around her with any sense of real dramatic talent apart from me, so he shall be Valjean, who is also borderline lame, the goody-two-shoes bastard.

It really, really sucks that there are no women in Camelot. I just wish that we had people to play Cosette and Eponine. Guenevere has a nice enough voice to be either one of them, but she is, again, LAME. LAME with all CAPS.

Note to self: should use all CAPS more to emphasize evil.

Mordred

**February 5th**

Dear Diary—

Dinadan is upset that he is playing the Bishop instead of Javert, whom he wanted so badly. I explained that I am eviler, therefore I get the part.

He actually started to cry.

_**YES!!!!!**_

Mordred

**February 6th-**

Dear Diary

Dinadan, like total wuss, complained to the producer (Sir Aggravane), who told me it was in the show's best interests I step down. Even King Arthur agreed.

I put up a fight, but Dinadan then proceeded to sing "Stars"—has a marvelous voice. Knowing it was best for the show, I woefully conceded.

Damn Dinadan and his velvety baritone.

I'm now going to play Enjolras. He's sort of cool.

Lancelot got the part of Thenardier on account of that I wanted to give him something ugly to play. Mrs. Thenardier will be played by Sir Lionel in drag.

Lionel unusually happy about playing female role. Hmm.

Sir Sagramore is uber-happy that he got Valjean.

Cast Stumpy Mahonny as Gavronche.

He tried to bite my legs off.

He's so freaking pathetic. It's hilarious.

Mordred

**February 7th**

Dear Diary-

Have conceded about women thing. Decided that even as uncool as she is, Guenevere can also play Cosette, because Cosette is, when you get right down to it, boring. And not hot. But mostly boring.

Now I just need to cast Eponine. Damn you Liza Minelli, where are you when I need you?

Saw Sir Lionel putting on lipstick and mascara in his room and sighing over picture of Lancelot.

I think we have a method actor on our hands.

Mordred

**February 8th**

Dear Diary-

The show opens a month from today, March 28th, with a run that will tour Camelot, Bath, Manchester, and Las Vegas.

All of a sudden, Nimue, Merlyn's ex who tried to lock him in a cave for all eternity and take away all his magic powers (not that he had much in the first place), showed up at the castle today. She claims that Merlyn has not yet paid his alimony.

She's…surprisingly hot for 8,040 years old.

Mordred

**February 9th**

Dear Diary

As she is only other available female in Camelot, asked Nimue if she would kindly play Eponine.

She agreed at once.

Go my mad persuading skills.

Also, she complemented my robe (the Green one with the ermine trim). Said it matched my eyes.

_YES! TAKE THAT DINADAN, YOU ROLE-STEALING BASTARD! IT'S A ROBE!_

Mordred

**February 10th**

Dear Diary—

Nimue keeps floating around the castle and screaming at Merlyn. Merlyn tries to ignore her, but nothing's worked so far.

He even stuffed his ears with squirrels.

Don't know where they got the squirrels, but they didn't look them.

If I were Merlyn, I'd be glad to have someone as beautiful as that following me around...but he probably hasn't had sex in a LONG time, so, there you go.

Not that'd I know. I'm saving myself for marriage.

Or Catherine Zeta-Jones.

Or maybe Nimue.

Where did that come from?

Mordred

**February 11th**

First rehersal today. Sir Robin (our MD) played the whole score on a lute.

Lute not as effective as full orchestra.

I kick ass as Enjolras. Sure, what If I did crack on half of my high notes? I can pull off Enjolras on sex appeal alone.

Heard Nimue sing On my own today.

Her voice is like a cross between Audra McDonald and Patti LuPone.

Not that either of them are born yet, so what am I talking about?

I am so asking her out tomorrow for a valentine's day dinner.

Mordred.

**February 13th-**

Dear Diary-

Asked Nimue out.

She said she only likes men with moustaches.

_The brutal irony of life punches me in my most sensitive groinal area yet AGAIN!_

Mordred

**February 14th-**

Dear Diary,

Damn Valentine's day.

Arthur and Guenevere were making kissy faces all day, Lancelot followed them around Mooning over Guenevere, and Sir Lionel followed _them_ around mooning over Lancelot.

He's a little _too _into Method acting.

And me? I spent the day curled up on my sofa in the secluded tower with a carton of Ben and Jerry's watching Julia Roberts movies.

Well….

Oh, Damn it. I can't think of anything witty to say, so:

**Camelot will be mine!**

Right after _Mystic Pizza._

Mordred

**Ladies and Gentleman, Mordred is sufficiently recovered from the beating he recieved last chapter to give another Message:**

**Mordred: Thank you. This is for all my readers: I, again, recieved all of one review last chapter, even after getting a severe beating from an insane Irishman for your sick pleasure. Still, One review**

**(Takes a moment to compose himself)**

** AM I TALKING TO DEAF PEOPLE?**

**Hans: Well, considering they're reading your story, shouldn't it be "Am I talking to _blind_ people?"**

**Mordred: No. Shut up. That's it. No more Mr. Nice Mordred. (He opens a curtain, revealing Mark from RENT tied to a chair.) Either I get reviews or the Boho boy gets it! Get it? MWAHAHAHAHAHA! ****(An Onimous rumble begins to shake the ground) What the hell is that?**

**(Mask leans his ear to the ground, Tanto-style)**

**Mask: (To Hans) Kimosabe. Hear sound of fangirls. Two...three hundred strong.**

**Hans: We should run.**

**Mordred: Why? They've probably just come to worship me.**

**(We hear the strands of an angry mob of pubesent girls singing the title song from "RENT")**

**Hans: I don't think that's the case.**

**(The Authors high-tail it out of there, leaving Mordred to face his fate)**

**Mordred: Err...Hi, Girls**

**RENTHEADS: NO DAY BUT TODAY, YOU BASTARD!**

**(They set upon him. The Authors and Mark watch from a safe place, eating popcorn)**

**Mask: That looks painful. **

**Hans: It could be worse.**

**Mask: How?**

**Hans: He could have kidnapped Someone from WICKED.**

**Mask: Oh yeah. Well, review anyway, please!**

**Hans: Pretty Please? We have a great plan for next months, but we won't post it if no one reads it.**


	4. February, Part 2: Nyquill Kicks Ass

**Disclaimer: NOSSING IS OWNED BY ZE RITERS! NOSSING!**

**Mask: Thank you, Hans. **

**February 15th-**

Dear Diary-

Have come down with severly congested nostrils from all that Ice-Cream I ate last night.

Damn Ice-Cream's mucus-producing qualities.

Mordred

**February 16th-**

Dear Diary-

It is official. Arthur sucks.

First, he tells me that he wants Guenevere to have more to do, so he asked that she be allowed to play Young Cosette as well. Fine. It was better than my choice. King Pellinore looked pretty silly in the Gamin outfit anyway.

Then, he started speaking all his music. "Empty Chairs at Empty Tables" does not sound good when Spoken, even in Arthur's freakishly smooth bartione. He said he'd learn the music soon. Not Soon enough, and I can't recast him because he's the king.

Stupid King. We'll see how he likes it WHEN CAMELOT IS MINE! WHICH IT WILL BE!

Mordred

**February 17th**

Dear Diary

Sinus problems continue as rehearsals go on. Asked Sir Galahad to sing my music offstage while I mime it because I sound like crap.

Galahad asked me if I had seen_ All About Eve._

Told him no.

He chuckled rather malevolently and said "Good."

Weirdo.

Mordred

**February 18th**

Dear Diary-

Still stuffed up.

When Lancelot asked me if I had a cold, sarcastically replied that I was simply doing an impression of a man with a cold, and did not have one myself.

Proceeded to laugh hysterically at my own brilliance.

I've never seen someone walk away from a conversation so fast.

Mordred

**February 19th-**

Dear Diary-

King Pellinore told me with my nose stopped up, my singing voice sounded uncannily like Bea Arthur.

He will die, slowly, painfully, and in a humiliating fashion.

Mordred

**February 20th-**

Dear Diary-

The funniest thing happened today.

So, we're rehearsing the big fight scene in act two, and Sir Bedevere, who's playing Granitare, fell off the back of the set.

It was _Hilarious._

True, by falling off the set he also fell 15 feet to the ground, but he'll be fine after some extensive surgery.

I'm still stuffy.

Mordred

**February 21st–**

Dear Diary-

Sir Bedevere is out of surgery and into a full body cast.

Still hilariously funny.

Well, to me at least.

Mordred

**February 22nd-**

Dear Diary-

The nose isn't getting any better (nor is Arthur's acting).

I'm going to take some nyquill tonight to take care of one problem.

I can't do anything about the other one.

Mordred.

**February 25th-**

I woke up this morning to find myself standing in a river three miles from Camelot with a bag over my head, my underwear put on over my tights and Galahad's lucky Cucumber stuck in my hat.

Eventually, made it back to Camelot to find that I had been missing for three days.

Also, I now appear to have a tatoo of Kermit the Frog on my lower back.

_Nyquill…Kicks…ASS!_

It did not, however, clear my nose.

Damn.

Mordred

**February 26th**

Dear Diary-

Went to Merlyn today to see what was wrong with my nose.

He told me to drink a cup of bull urine mixed with powered boar tusks.

Replied: Ew.

Took a Clairton instead. Feeling much better already.

Mordred

**February 27th-**

Aggravaine took me aside today, and told me that, since Sir Galahad was singing all my music offstage anyway, it would be better for the show if I let him take over Enjolras, took a smaller role like the Bishop, and focused on directing.

Laughed in his face.

He told me he would go to Arthur, but I don't care. There is no way that I will ever play the Bishop. Never, ever, ever, ever, ever.

Mordred

**February 28th-**

Dear Diary-

Am Now Playing Bishop.

_**Daaaaaaaaammmmmnnn!**_

Mordred

**And Now a message from Mordred:**

**Mordred: Thank you. Now, since my actions in the last chapter seemed to work, gaining me three whole reviews, I've chosen to get a little more...hardcore with my victims. **

**(He reveals his victim: A cast member from _CATS_)**

**Now, I need at least four reviews for this last chapter or Munojerrie here gets the rope! (The Cat-person shakes his head). I'm sorry. Or Rumpleteazer here gets it.**

**Cats-person: Actually, I'm Tumblebrutus.**

**Mordred: _SHUT IT! _(Turns to Mask and Hans) Should I be worried about the fangirls?**

**Mask: For Cats? Nah, they're all still morning the close of the show and writing bad fanfiction. **

**Hans: Oh, come now, what did Cats-fans ever do to you guy?**

**Mask: Dude, it's_ CATS. _**

**Mordred: Seriously. (A Strange rumbling is heard) Oh no. It's not fan-girls is it?**

**Mask: (Ear to the ground). No. Worse. (Points to Tumblebrutus) Kitty's cast members have formed a rescue party. (The Authors run)**

**Mordred: Oh, come on. What could a bunch of Dancers in make-up and leotards do to me?**

**(En Masse, the cast of CATS appears and begin to sing the worst thing to happen to Musical Theater ever.)**

**Cats: _Jellicle Songs/ For Jellicle Cats/ Jellicle Songs for Jellicle Cats... (and on, and on it goes)_**

**Mordred: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! (His head explodes)**

**Mask: Wow. Our lead character's head just exploded. And It's only chapter 5. **

**Hans: He'll be fine. At least it wasn't something from_ Joseph_.**

**Mask: True. Well, please review.**

**Hans: Please. **


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